Flipping through the pages of my diary

I am watching Yashub ( 5 years old kid ) playing in the yard all by himself, i am watching his childhood slipping into days. I see myself in him, all my childhood days are now just barely the recollected memories of my early youth. It's all gone in the mist air. In summers, when i hear the tintinnabulation of wind chimes and voice of ice cream vendors selling ice cream, i get lured by those days that are already gone. I think of maa, how we would split peas sitting in the shed of the Mulberry tree in our backyard. I wonder about those days that have lost it's calmness in the honking of today's vehicles and era of instant messages. Back in those days, human connections really mattered to us and were also so strong. Now we have internet and so many people on our fingertips, we have lost human connections or perhaps made too many that not even one is strong. Back in those days, i had someone who would ask me if i had eaten or not, i long for her. Yesterday i was reading Scrhro

World is a huge place I lost my way  yesterday while coming back home I met a stranger He asked me directions  I asked him the same  Maybe i am tired, looking at this same old city I hate sun  I love rain And it makes me sadly happy Maybe i am looking for a new home But my heart is in turmoils Crackers burning inside  The sky of my heart  must be looking pretty tonight I meet so many strangers lately Wish i can make them all my friends  But i fumble saying hi What is the difference between an acquaintance and a friend  I'm a little aloof these days  I am looking for a friend  The ones i have got have grown old and distant, they dont call me back  God, I am looking for a house, if not a home yet Someone said, my writings dont make sense Well, he is my closest friend  Now, i feel he is right It doesn't make sense like my feelings for him Love is beautiful  Love is pretty  Love is like dancing in rain Love is like giddy rolling  in the pit of my tummy  But everyone secretly accept

To Ashaz, Ashaz, it is heavily raining here and i feel like you have visited this city. Rain has always reminded me of you. This city is haunting me  because it's too peaceful without you. Ashaz you told me that your name means, " one in million " and now it upsets me since you've gone because i feel i can't ever find someone like you because there's noone like you.  I was passing by this flowershop yesterday and it reminded me of you. You have left the city but left behind the reminders to keep reminding me of you. Ashaz your name is the sweetest melody ever my voice has sung. Before your name, i have always hated my voice.  Ashaz, i told you, i'm leaving this city tomorrow but it feels like i'll be carrying you with me. This life is so short, when we were together, time slipped by us and now that we are far, i don't know what to do, time is still slipping by and looks like my life will be over soon and perhaps i won't be able to see you for t

I'm strolling around this city but it no longer feels like home since the day you are gone. We are in July, and it's heavily raining here. If you remember, you would know how much i adored rain, but now i have excuses to not go out in rain. I sit in cafes, take shelter in a bookstore, and buy umbrella when it is raining. I've realised something, it's that how feelings changes, and gradually everything changes. Your favorite bakery has been shut down, and the lanes have got contricted due to construction of buildings on both the sides of the lane. But the ice cream store at the subway station is still there. I had my last creampie there last evening. I'll shift to another city in a few days, i have packed my bags. Yesterday night, i was near your home and my heart wasn't in turmoils. I feel like it has forgiven you for all you did to it. I think life is all about love and forgiveness because we are all always breaking something, we are all always hurting someone.

Do you believe in past lives? Like i have met him over and over again in all the lives i have lived and survived Like his fingers have brushed against mine everytime he passed by me Like our names have been changed, Like perhaps his sur name became mine, mine became his but still we have always been the same people writing love ballads in different places Like he has known me in all the lifetimes Like i have seen him before Like he knows me well and i know him too from the way my name slips over his tongue He calls me and the voice echos in my heart                                                         — soulmate There something that i failed to put in words, maybe a thread or a bamboo rope that ties me to you. No matter how farther you go, you come to me, i come to you in all the lifetimes. Like the first snow Like the first rain Like the early springs Like the late autumns  Like ending winters  Like beginning summers  You will leave again this time too And i'll wait for you to

Sometimes this whole world falls into deep screeches of silence, that i can't even hear the honking of vehicles. In all such moment, i can only hear the loudness of my thumping heart in this city. Tick,tick, tick The only sound  that accompanies me at nights But sometimes i ignore it with songs There's something in my heart That makes it heavy with time Physically it's not there,  but still it's here Just this energy that  never leaves me behind I carry it everywhere i go From candy stores to restrooms, Its always there in me                                                 — void  That feeling when i have this whole damn world around me and this huge sky above my head, but still it's not enough, there's somethings lacking here and i'll never know what's that. I'm here at the subway station watching trains come and go. 

There's a playground in my head, we are playing there and we are just six again.  Even when i was young I wasn't in hurry to grow up But somedays i wanted to escape school So i wished to be older soon I have backspaced a lot, i think this is also the thing we acquire as we grow up, we think too much before we can speak.  In my head, I am running in lush green fields, i have no future, i have got no past there. I am free, my heart is no longer in pain and my back is not burdened with responsibilities. When i was small and there used to be complete blackout at my home, i used to ask my dad again and again, when light will come back. He used to say, light has taken rickshaw and now it is coming, coming, coming, slowly, slowly, just here, now, just going to arrive in 1, 2 and, and, and 3.  Back in those days, i really believed it. Back in those days, magic was real to me.