Flipping through the pages of my diary

There's a peice of warmth you left behind in my heart when you left this place. As i am growing old, i am missing you more maybe because there's noone i can hug and cry when life gets overwhelming. You know, i want to tell someone how days turn into nights, how when i sit in cafeteria, i look for a familiar face, but i dont know how to approach people, i want to tell you how when i am waking down the lane to my home, i am watching clouds moving with me, how celling looks at night when the stars i have put illuminates, how people only like me when i make them laugh, how they only like me when i am laughing, how i want to cry, how i want to scream, how i want to diappear, how i want to tell you that i no longer write poetries, how things are getting heavier everyday, how i have no reason to cry, how i am still crying, how i miss you so much, how i want to wish you on your birthdays, how life is just going on and how i am already 21.  When winters will come, nights will be longer

The world is so big. I sensed it when your fingers rushed continuously on your phone screen texting everyone. You have so many contacts yet noone to give a call when nights are lonely.  I want to call someone and not utter a word. I want to listen to the silence of his world. I want him to listen closley to the silence i am breathing in.  To have someone to share the chaos To have someone who heal all your scars To have someone to share your sorrows To have someone to laugh together  To have someone to lean at nights  To have someone when the world feels little overwhelming  To have someone when you feel lonely. The world is so big in my phone yet i have no one to call.... a song

Now that i look back, i feel, that the little me earlier had so much to say. She wore her heart on her sleeves, she wanted to tell her every story, she wanted to give life to her every feeling by putting it down in words. It's not like she failed at expressing, also its not like she didn't say everything out. She did great. She expressed herself out but noone actually heard her really.  To hear words, or to hear her, there's a difference. Myabe my words were heard but not me. Now that i am here in my room, lying in my bed at afternoon listening to the universe singing me a lullaby, i feel i am more at peace now. It's not like i don't have anything to say or tell like those days because i still have a lot to say. My mouth is always overflowing with words, and my heart is always screaming everything out loud but the only thing that has changed is that i dont want to tell my stories to anyone other than me. As i grew up, i realized to say everything out loud is a type