today someone asked me my favorite color and i just laughed in grief.


When people you have known for so long leave, they leave with so much more than just your name in their heart or your favorite midnight dumpling recipe in their head.

They take away all your experiences, all your secrets, all your plans, all your dreams. They know how you get excited watching rain patter on your roof. They know how you smile at the sky watching stars. They know which color looks the best on you. They know your first crush from high school. They know how good you are at making stories. They know you suck at pretending. They know you can't go a day without breakfast. They know you doze off by 10 PM. They know you hate nightouts and movies at nights because your body clock is too punctual. They know your hobbies on a random Sunday afternoon. They know the places you feel home at.

They know the phone numbers you’ve memorized but are scared to dial. They know the lullabies in your playlist because there have been nights you struggled to sleep. They know how much you speak and how you don’t even know how to pause. They know your favorite café, even though you are a homebody. They know all of it—from your favorite sweater that got lost in your wardrobe and was never found to everything you said in rage but never meant.

They know the words that slipped your tongue and everything that you felt was just a misunderstanding. They know you cry but act like you have a cold, stone heart. They know you sigh a lot, and everything is quite visible through your eyes. They know how big your dreams are. They know you backspace a lot, never sure which word will actually make sense when you write an apology or a message to console a friend.

They know how AI has become your recent best friend because nobody listens like him. 

They know, they know, they just know—because you had their number on speed dial. They know because no day passed without updating them about your life.

But now, it's just you and your life.

The world is big, and I am quite sure someone will arrive again at my doorstep with a random hello. But I doubt if I will ever be able to tell them my favorite color, my birthdate, my favorite meal, my favorite place to escape people, and everything that ever happened to me...

I am just tired lately. 


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