glimpses of you

He asked me,

“Why did you call me, tell me?”

I called because there was no reason to, i called because the weather was good outside my window, i called  because today i cooked rice stew and i messed up with the recipe, i called because it might rain tonight, i called you because i found a new song, i called because the birds were chirping like any other day, i called because the sun was about to set soon, i called because i had your phone number still on my tips, i called because i bought a new book yesterday, i called because i was reading a poem today, 

i called because you didn't call me and i called  you because i missed you while reading that poem.

Isnt it so futile, it all goes in vain to wait and look back at someone who is no longer here. Within the reach of my sight, she doesn't stand anymore, she has left, she has left like the morning dew from leaves, like the steam from the teapot, like the last leaf that flew away with the breeze from the tree, like the smell of rain that faded from my garden, she has left, she has left like she was never here before, she has left like the new year eve 2024, she has left, she has left like she will never come back again, she has left, she has left my heart like she never accepted it at first. She has left, she has left everything, she has left everything, everything including me.

                          She has left.

What do i do when finally your face is all blurred and i can't really imagine how you used to look at me, or how you would look when you just smiled back at me, or how you looked early in the morning waiting for me outside my home, or how your voice sounded at midnight, or how you would read me books at afternoons when i won't be able to sleep. I miss all of it, because i can't recall any of it but why despite it all, my heart beats still the same? I can only recall this feeling, this feeling of looking at you, missing you. It feels like a trap.

The only thing that i realized in the span of hating you was, i loved you so much.