you

There's this thing i seem to can't escape, i try my best, i do everything,  work hard, work harder but still stumble upon your name. There are people who left but their ghosts are still here around me talking to me in my head. Sometimes I want to run away, pack my bags, change my documents, passport, name, address, phone number and go to a new city where i won't speak the same language, where i won't hear your name, where your ghosts won't find me. How astonishing it would be to have a restart button in our head. I don't want to remember anyone. I don't know how but  everytime my head thinks, my heart aches..

Life every day here in my city is just ordinary without you.  You were that extra behind my ordinary life. Now that you're gone, the sun still shines, the ocean still sparkles, the stars still blinks,  the breeze still flows, the trees still grows , the flowers still blooms, the sky still rains, the earth still moves, the gravity still works, the moon still smiles, and the birds still sings. I thought the world would stop without us, the sky would fall down, the sun would burn us, and the tides would engulf everyone of us. But nothing happened,  everyone continued with their lives. I felt like the world didn't care about us, the world was selfish. For a long time, i despised this world, i loathed everyone around me. But life still went on and noone seemed to care except me in my congested room.

When you left, i immersed myself in poetries and every poet's grief became mine. It was a way to grieve together with them and to not feel lonely. I felt like so many hearts are broken in this world and the world was equally selfish to each one of them as the sun rose daily and our neighbors went to their jobs without bothering about us. But now that when i look back i feel the world was quite generous to us. I'm glad that life didn't stop for us. I'm thankful that the trains continued their services,  i went back to my hometown,  met my grandparents. I'm glad that the plants continued to grow, i worked on farms, i'm glad everyone went to their daily jobs, i had an ice cream from a shop daily on my way back to home and thankfully the sun rose daily, it gave me all it's warmth. I'm so humbled for how life kept me busy and my life continued.

So did the ghosts of people left?

Well no,they visited me from time to time and i welcomed them with peace. Some stories end, and memories never leave but the show must go on. We can always make new memories to remember if the old ones don't leave.

Sometimes I still think of you every fondly as your name drips off my lips and i smile. Let's make peace with our story, let's accept it's over. But i don't think i will forget you, i dont think your ghosts will stop invading in my dreams. It's not that i always want to remember you... but i still know i will remember you.