growing up, adulthood

Wherever i am right now, it's so peaceful here. My head is in a calm place and i can really feel my breaths. When i sleep, i no longer count on sheeps, i fall in my bed, and i open my eyes the next morning. 

As you grow up, you get tired of drama. 

Then, you just want genuine things, honest people and bright moments. As i grew up, i just wanted real people, people who would choose me again and again. I didn't want to get into a cat fight over a guy, i didn't want to lose my sleep over someone all night, i didn't want to argue over something where i just wished to be understood, i didn't want to seek validation, i didn't want to hide, i didn't want to complain, i didn't want to wait for someone who perhaps may never come back, i didn't want to beg someone to stay, i didn't want to write letters to someone i love because i was petrified of them using it against me, i didn't want to trust someone blindly, i didn't want to take confessions seriously, i didn't want to believe in best friends forever and eternities, i didn't want to be someone i was not, i didn't want to complicate life. I just wanted to be happy, i just wanted to feel less weight of my emotions, i just dont wanted my hormones to get on height. I just wanted life to be easy. I just wanted to breathe a little longer. But more than anything, i just wanted someone who would choose me despite of all the odds, despite of all my scars, despite of all my bad habits, i just wanted someone to choose me, and find me when i get lost in my own mini world.

Growing up i learnt so many things, i experienced so many emotions, feelings and situation. Somedays i felt so wise, somedays i just wanted to be that naive kid again.

Growing up is understanding that it's okay to outgrow people, people you loved, cherished and missed every second. And when i did this, i met people who loved me, cherised me and missed me.

I'm greedy, i was greedy, i have always been greedy, and i am sure i'll be greedy too in my future because i ask for the love i give and i know it's not unconditional love anymore when you ask for it but tell me what should i do? I'm a human too.

Note to someone i lately met ~

Life is so soothing with you. I don't get butterflies, i dont get cold palms, i don't get shivering feet, i am not shying all the time, 

i am not hesistant with you. And i like this feeling, it feels like i'm back home. 

I will always remember what you said to me when i was leaving that evening," kuch logo ke sath zindagi kitni aasan hoti hai" It coloured my heart in your colours,and i will never forget it.

"kuch logo ke sath zindagi bahot aasan hoti hai"

( with some people, life is so easy )