someone today called me selfish

Hey, today one of my most closest friend called me " selfish " and in a moment, i fell down, deeper into self guilt, wondering, contemplating about all the things i do that makes me selfish. And the list started with you, my diary, how i only come to you when the turmoils within me don't settle down, or how i sneakily take away the leftover donut from the fridge without thinking about my sister, or how i stop someone from going back home just because i am scared of be left alone again, or how i take away the t.v remote from my dad just because i want to watch my favorite shows, or how i whine over a window seat when my friend takes over it, or how i only play my songs in a house party, or how i want my favorite people to watch my favorite movie with me, or how i sometimes burden people with my emotions. 

There are people who will always make a home out of your heart, and you will keep them warm there, always protecting them, but sometimes i feel we overdo, we overfeel, we over prioritize them.

I'm not saying it, someone said this to me

Someone too close, how much close?

Close enough,

That i am ready to even put my heart on the tip of a sharp knife if i only know its him holding it

" Falling apart " is a phenomenon that goes in steps, slowly but steadily. That's the end, it was our story. 

                     — story (me and that someone)

There are people who would always hold power in their words to hurt you, to make you happy, and to make you sad, not because their words are powerful enough but rather because those people are powerful, powerful because they are close to your heart, close to your heart because you hold them close to it. 

i was listening to this (click)