longings

It's 333 in the morning, and i don't know how to fall asleep looking back at the ceiling. I think longings knock your door on such nights when you've someone's phone number but you can't dial. What is longing? If it's not the desire the run back to those who devastated you, what is longing to you? Tell me, if it is not wanting to have a time machine, if it is not the sickening desire that makes you lose hunger and sleep, what is longing if it is not wanting to alive the dead, if it is not wanting to run away from your head. What is longing, if it's not any of this. What is longing, if it's not the pain or the fear of losing something that you've already lost. What is longing, if it doesn't make you want to tear your heart, what is longing if it doesn't make you cry a million tear, what is longing if you don't type those texts just to save them in drafts, what is longing if you don't go out hoping to cross them by chance, what is longing, if not any of these, what it is to you, what it makes you do ? 

Longing is a bittersweet melody at the back of my heart, it is the flashbacks of us in front of my eyes, it is a gentle breeze that soothes away my pain, it is a warm blanket on a winter night, it is the early mist on the leaves that reminds me of you, it is that blank page left in my diary, it is a random song in my playlist that you used to sing, it is your horoscope, it is your favorite bakery, and it is a type of a lullaby that makes me fall asleep and then makes me lose it all at the same time.

What is longing to you if not any of these?

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